Welcome to the Fractured Fragments

I’ve thought about starting a new blog for a really long time, but I always had the same excuse as to why I shouldn’t even give it a real thought—my truth might really hurt the people I love the most. I mean, why wouldn’t it? It’s my own truth and it hurts like hell to realize it myself sometimes, so how could it not bother them? What if they can’t handle my truth? What if they feel that my truth doesn’t match their truth? Will I lose friends or family members? Will I cause them pain by revealing the truth that they never knew? That has always been something I’ve done everything in my power to avoid my entire life, it doesn’t matter how big or small the issue may be, if it is going to cause conflict or hurt someone’s feelings—it stayed bottled up inside. I’ve always been so afraid to hurt the people I love, I walk on eggshells, avoid certain topics, bite my tongue, lie straight to their faces about how I feel, forgive and forget too easily just to move on. As I’ve grown up and grown older I have been able to trace a pattern that came straight back to where it all started—with me. Instead of hurting the people I love by being open and honest, I push them away instead. I put them or a specific situation/feeling/emotion in a box and push it to the back of my brain and save it for a rainy day. Maybe I’ll pull it back out one day and reopen it and mourn the loss that I, myself, created; maybe I will leave it there forever, never to resurface again because it hurts too much. What I have realized today is that a person can’t do this forever, it wears you down so thin and sooner or later the bough breaks; and when it does it’s time to sink or swim. So I’ve decided to throw my excuses and fear out the window and cling to the only thing I’ve ever been able to hold on to no matter what was happening to me or around me—I’m going to write. But the writing is the easiest part of it all; sharing it with the entire world is the most terrifying thing for me. I’m sharing more than just poetry I’ve written and carefully constructed about love or broken hearts here, but also, here is where I’m sharing my real, honest, sometimes ugly, brutally raw emotions and truth with you. I’m choosing to jump in and learn to swim. I’m choosing my own sanity, my own happiness, my own truth. Today, I choose myself. If not now, then when? Welcome to the fractured fragments of a fatherless daughter. Stay tuned, I’m only getting started! I hope you keep coming back.

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