Always With You

Unless you know her, you could never understand.

Living with her is like constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It’s like drowning in a tank full of oxygen, there is air all around but your lungs won’t allow you to inhale.

It’s like your heart is racing at the speed of light.

It’s such a strange sensation—feeling your heart pound against your chest but still it feels lifeless inside.

It’s like trying to outrun the sun, the moon and all the stars in the skies, with cement shoes on your feet.

No matter where you are, it’s always there.

There are times you get lucky and she lets you breathe easy for a moment, but more often than not she fills your head with irrationalities and paralyzes your soul.

I should be able to escape this.

I should be stronger than this.

I want to scream; I want to cry.

I feel nothing and everything all at once.

I am sad, but I am numb.

I am scared, but I am numb.

I am anxious, am I still numb?

I feel like death may come for my soul if I cannot escape her.

And just when I think I have overcome her, she signs her next twisted love letter…

“Always with you. See you soon! -Anxiety/PTSD/Chronic Depression.”

K. Lindsay

08/07/2018